Indifference is a feeling that hurts. It sends a painful message to those who receive it: “I don’t care about you”. This incomprehensible apathy causes us anguish and fear. We proceed to elaborate on reasons to explain the other’s insensitivity, but we can’t always find a good enough explanation.
What to do, then, in the face of this behavior? How not to be carried away by the impassiveness of others?
What is Indifference?
This feeling is associated with an insensitive and cold form of detachment. The indifferent individual does not care about the feelings of others. If his actions cause suffering, he doesn’t care. If they result in happiness, he doesn’t care either. That is, he is a person who appears to be a hollow shell incapable of feeling and being moved.
As human beings living in society, we want to interact, feel, laugh, cry, talk, dream, fail, try again. It’s the complete experience that makes life so exciting.
The indifferent person withdraws from practically all his experiences, consciously or unconsciously, because he cannot establish a concrete connection with them. This feeling is capable of stealing interest in life and people and needs to be fought.
In a love relationship, indifference comes softly. It installs silently, but its results are chaotic. When this happens, many already begin to question whether it is worth insisting on or whether they should move on. After all, how is it possible to stay in a relationship with a person who doesn’t feel?
How to Deal With Indifference Without Suffering?
For a relationship to acquire lasting status, it must be cultivated through constant dialogue, displays of affection, and small silent agreements between the couple. For example, you accompany your partner to that barbecue he wants to go to and he watches that movie you so much want to see at the cinema.
When the possibility of conversation is gone, the relationship is in a critical state. Therefore, communication is the first item on this list of ways to deal with this feeling of uncertainty, made especially to help you.
As much as the focus of this article is the love relationship, these tips can be used in both family and friendship relationships. Any form of relationship needs maintenance to survive.
1. Start a Conversation
Possibly you didn’t realize the small events that led to the current situation due to the daily rush and the commonplace where relationships tend to stop after living together for years.
Talking about what’s going on in your partner’s mind is the best way to get rid of their suspicions. Let me make it clear: Possibly this conversation will not be pleasant or simple.
It could be that your partner has saved months or even years of dissatisfaction with the relationship, as they didn’t dare to externalize their true emotions. Despite the possibility of suffering, talking through what is troubling the relationship is the first step to finding a solution.
2. Modify Small Agreements
Perhaps the relationship needs small changes to regain its vivacity. If current agreements are no longer working, either because of changing interests or life goals, it’s time to make new ones. This renewal is a way of paying attention to the partner’s needs as well as your own.
To do this, you need to be understandable and patient. New deals may involve different experiences than what you’re used to, but it’s always good to give the new one a chance instead of turning it down at first. The partner’s indifference can be motivated by several reasons and one of them can be the same routine.
3. Be Realistic
We often let our emotions speak louder. They surround our minds in a cloud of desires and expectations that can blind us to reality.
When starting a relationship, we must be aware that the other person will not always return our feelings with the same intensity or act as we expect. Otherwise, we run the risk of falling into disillusionment.
In such cases, one of the people may show a lack of interest. Communication is again necessary to understand the expectations of the other about the relationship to avoid future suffering.
4. Runaway from Blame
It is common in this situation to want to blame yourself for the coldness expressed by your partner. Many believe that the other’s behavior within a relationship is a response to their own. Thus, they blame their partner’s indifferent behavior on some deed they committed and torture themselves for having been wrong.
5. Forget about Guilt
In relationships, sometimes we have attitudes that we don’t understand or can’t explain clearly. That’s because we tend to project childhood traumas, good and bad memories, yearnings, and our behaviors onto the other. Not always what we do or what others do is “pure evil”.
Above all, we are imperfect people with our neuroses who, if they are causing any kind of suffering, must be properly treated. Therefore, we should think less about looking for blame and more about taking responsibility for our actions.
The difference is in the feeling. By taking responsibility within the relationship, we feel the need for action, to fix mistakes, and look for more positive paths. Guilt, on the other hand, is paralyzing and judgmental.
6. If There’s Nothing to Do, Walk Away
If you’ve tried everything to manage indifference and nothing has worked, consider walking away from the person. It’s not worth getting stuck in a relationship without feeling out of comfort or convenience.
Living with an apathetic partner is tiring and overloads the emotions because we live looking to please the other or solve doubts regarding their feelings. As we cannot control people, the best thing to do is to look for new love elsewhere.
Breakups are painful but necessary for both your and your partner’s happiness. Do this in the friendliest way possible, without blame or blame, to protect your feelings. Don’t hesitate, as time eventually heals the wounds of the end of the relationship.